Dear 2013 Me:

 Hello, me. It's me from 2022. I've been doing a lot of reflecting since I got out of therapy today. It was hard, but it's always hard. I told her today I miss the me that I was in 2013. That I miss .. you. But can I miss certain parts of you without missing all of you? Can I miss the confidence without missing the unhealthy habits that I created while trying to get to that confidence? Can I miss the dedication to working out without missing how I thought I needed to work out to feel like I deserved to eat? Can I miss the way that I loved everything about my body without missing that I restricted myself so much to the point where I only consumed grapes and mushrooms and a carrot every now and then? I want to miss the good parts but I'm not even sure if they were all good. I was the unhealthiest in every aspect and no one helped me. Everyone saw it, and only I pulled myself out and away from you.

So I guess when I sit and I really think about it, I am allowed to miss you. I'm allowed to miss the parts that I created. And I am allowed to miss the things that I carry with myself to this day. I'm allowed to miss the things that other people never got to experience or see. I did it all on my own, the good and the bad. I created the me that I am today and I guess in a weird and twisted way, I have you to think. I never want to treat my body like I did all of those years ago. But I also damn well know that I will never treat my body like a temple either. I'm somewhere in between. Hating myself, loving myself, learning myself. All of the things and the in betweenness.