The 30 Diaries

 Okay, but am I? I'm not going to lie, I've done the hooking up thing, the falling in love thing and everything in between. I don't think I was meant for the single life in 2022 where no one wants to be committed but yet no one wants to be alone. I wasn't made for this "new culture" of hooking up with anyone and everyone and the dating multiple people lifestyle. Even in my "hooking up days" I still was committed as heck to the person I was hooking up with. Don't I deserve more than just being added to a roster? But at the same time, I am completely convinced that I am too much of a broken person to ever want to be in a relationship again EVEN THOUGH I met someone that I could see myself being with. Gross? Maybe. There will be no name dropping whatsoever but man, he is the complete opposite of what I thought my type was, he has kids and he scares the absolute shit out of me ... in all of the best ways. So why can't I just allow myself a little...

 I definitely wouldn't say that the past month of being 30 has been a walk in the park - at this point I would much rather take a walk through a park on a dark lit path with the chance that a man with a scream mask and a sickle is waiting for me at the end. Kidding.  I moved into a new house and I'm navigating living on my own but all over again in this new space, I'm trying to figure what the heck I want to do relationship wise (hint hint - I was not made for hookup culture. Tried it, will never try it again.), I'm looking for a new job and I'm trying to "love myself" again. Gross, I know. It. Has. Been. Hell.  I just passed the anniversary of being single for a year and WOO it was exhilarating. I spent the whole time crying. And contrary to popular belief, geminis do cry - a lot. Okay, maybe that's just me. But really the best part about this whole experience is that I feel like I can reinvent myself if I wanted to. I can be whoever I want and do wha...